my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
