I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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