i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
