does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
