One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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