If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
