You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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