I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
