Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
