Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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