come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
