This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
