pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
