you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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