At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
