Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
