I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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