so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
