my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
