Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
