I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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