So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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