On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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