My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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