i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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