I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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