I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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