on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
