Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
