is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
