I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
