Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just threw up on my dentist
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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