please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
