he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
