My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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