Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
