This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
