Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All the doctor said was why
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
