Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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