I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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