is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
