Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
