Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
