That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
