I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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