3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
