her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
