I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
