you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
