Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
