He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
