just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
