WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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