Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
