I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There's always time for handjobs
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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