I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
