You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
