At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
