Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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