Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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