I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
