just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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