Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
