Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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