I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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