she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
