how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize