I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
